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The Primary Reasons Trump Ain’t Going Nowhere (Trump is clean as an angel’s drawers.)

We will build a dog park. Nobody knows dog parks like I do! It’ll be the best dog park the world has ever seen, and the cats . . . the cats are gonna pay for it!

Political Reality

In order to run for president you have to be either squeaky clean or have one hell of a supply of Ajax! Now that’s political reality, folks. I’m sorry to be the first to tell you that. One slip, one ghost from the past, one booger in your nose can cost you dearly. People want a lot from their golden idols.

When Trump took the White House the first time he had some issues, but there was one thing he didn’t have. I, myself, have made the point many times that he was a man who had never been in political office. Now, for many of my readers I’ll explain the deeper meaning of that. Do you know what you don’t have when you have never held the office of dog catcher? You don’t have political luggage! Not even a carry-on! In that department, Trump was as clean as an angel’s drawers.

Now combine that with the eight year run of the newly canonized Barrack Obama, the complacency of the Democrats and mix that with putting Hillary in the race as an opponent, and the Mayor of Ding Dong, Texas could have won that election. That election wasn’t stolen, it was given away. Other than a wall and pointing fingers at a few wild Mexicans, Trump had no political agenda, but, as I just pointed out, no luggage. Oh . . . and a slogan MAGA!

Bread and Circuses

Well, the chickens are coming home. Midterms are usually not a good time for sitting presidents. Especially if it’s their first term they and are busy trying to make their bones by slinging goodies at the voters or digging up bones left by the previous administration especially if said administration was the other flavor. But, people are funny, you know. If they have a president, and their mortgage is behind, the price of gas is up, the weather sucks, and their wife ran off with another man, it’s the president’s fault. The man in the Oval Office either has to fix all that or . . . you guessed it . . . bread and circuses! Or a wall, or a stimulus check, or, or, or! Anything but addressing the problem. Hell! If a super flu comes along blame it, or the doctors, or Pepsi Cola, anything but the root cause, which was putting the dog catcher in the White House in the first place.

Boy! That hurt, didn’t it? I mean not as bad as sitting on a bicycle without the seat on it, but right on up there in the top five! Anyway, midterms are almost always the harbinger of things to come. The American voter believes that no matter how it tastes right now if you just shake the tumbler good and hard it is possible to turn a whiskey sour into a martini. Hell! Beto O’Rourke tried to convince Texas voters that he was a Mexican!

There ain’t no damn wave!

Enter the myth of the Red Wave, Blue Wave, any wave but the one you’re surfing on right now! There ain’t no damn wave! That is a political myth Trumped up (pun intended) by politicians to try to insure a win. Obama once said that the ship of state turns slowly. Well, it wasn’t a hanging, it was more of a short drop. Just look at the numbers right now. The two parties are sweating Red white and Blue, praying to God, and five other old white men that their party can retain control of just one of the houses of Congress. That’s not a wave. That’s a mud puddle, or a swamp, or whatever the hell you wanna call it. But, it’s not a wave!

Ted Bundy could have won that race!

Enter Donald Trump into the fray. In doing so, in my opinion, that was one stupid thing to do. Remember when I told you the first time he took the White House that he was politically clean? Well, the boy needs a bath now! And I’m a Republican and even I see it. When he took office the first time the Democrats wanted a dead baby in every pot and wanted to castrate all their first born sons and name ‘em Karen. And they had Hillary over there waving a Rainbow Flag. Ted Bundy could have won that race running on his efforts of birth control. And Trump slid into the Oval Office on a Bob Sled.

COVID for everyone!

Got that bicycle seat out of your butt yet. I got more. We all got sick. COVID for everyone. How do we fight it. Lock everyone one down! Insure that the next generation is a crop of nincompoops by closing the schools and having them educated by a bunch of day drinkers. And you wonder why you hate your kids now. Just when the flu began to let up, introduce a vaccine that kinda, sorta, maybe works (If it don’t kill ya) separate the entire country into two warring sects, started with the masked vs the unmasked, and evolved into the vaxxed vs the unvaxxed, and you know I’m not lying. Here came a guy who had run against Lincoln and lost, took on the sitting Pope of MAGA, and Trump lost his ass, hairdo, and all his cattle!! Told you people the election was stolen, and the wall come tumbling down both figuratively and literally. Can I get an “Amen?”

Kay Sarah Sarah!

That is where we found ourselves last week. We were all still licking our wounds as the Chinese took over the world and we had the midterms. Now, Biden knew his folks were gonna take a hit. Of course the Republicans were shouting Red Wave, while the Democrats were screaming Better dead than Red. And the results came out, oh pretty much like I thought they would. Split Houses, no mandate, no landslide, the Dems taking bows and the Republicans hollering that the election was stolen. Kay Sarah Sarah!

So what’s in store for Trump. Times are not changing, they have changed. People you’ve never heard of five years ago are now prominent. Folks like Ron DeSantis, AOC, and Gregg Abbott. Do you remember Elon Musk back in ‘93 when he let his sister have the bed in a hotel room while he slept on the floor? Well of course you don’t. And the press makes a big deal out of him having Assburners. Well he sure burned their asses up! And Hillary and Trump, hey, it’s been real. Go to the club house, take off your cleats, and go home.

Primaries Anyone?

Know what comes next? Primaries! That’s where the parties line up their draft picks for the upcoming game. Being the incumbent, Biden has a hefty team. Yeah, yeah, yeah he’s got Hunter but Tom Landry had Hollywood Henderson. The voting public has been beat up. Both sides. There won’t be a huge change but there won’t be the same ol’ same ol’ either. You will see Trump get hit by primaries like nobody’s ever been hit before. All the sound bites and red baseball hats aren’t gonna save him. People like DeSantis are going to serve him a big plate of political reality. And when it’s all over the ship of state will turn one degree. The political pendulum will hesitate ever so slightly near the center, but it will keep swinging. And the new definition of fantasy and reality will be redefined. And myself? I’ll be having dinner with Goldilocks.

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